i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
