mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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