i think i have two assholes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
