There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize