it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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