they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
