You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Send help, water and tortillas.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
