Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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