I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
