So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
