I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Randomize
