i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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