Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
