i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
