He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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