why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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