I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
