At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Farmville is her only friend.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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