i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize