Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Even my vagina gasped.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
