I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
