So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
