Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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