Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
