none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
