I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Come on in and take your pants off
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
