you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
