I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
