I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
