Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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