the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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