Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
