Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
