I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
