just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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