i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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