May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
