i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
