There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wear drunk well.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
