Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
