I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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