too bad you live with your parents still
I need to stop coming to work sober
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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