drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so let's talk penis.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize