But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
