so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
