Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize