I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
