hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The power of my boobs compel you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
