i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
