Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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