So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
