Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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