I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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