with your own penis?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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