Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
