I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
