i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
