I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
