I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
