The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize